I don’t know why I do this, specifically for the writing limitations.
I mean, I guess in the early days (like… ten years ago), there was some practical fear about burning through my “inspiration” within a day, a week, or a month. But by now, it should be plenty evident to me that “inspiration” does not end. It lies around everywhere like air and stones and water streams and whatever.
So, then, is it due to worry about my physical stamina? Writing is a physical act, meaning you do have to sit down for long periods of time. Even if you were to dictate, you would have to use your voice for long periods of time. It is also a known fact that people who work office jobs do die; like, you can sit too much to death, very literally.
So, that worry about physical limitations isn’t entirely unfounded. But then… it’s not like I go anywhere near those limits.
I’m leaning toward: most of the limitation-related stories I’m telling myself are just… completely delusional, at this point. Just totally made-up. Could be out of inertia or plain laziness, but either way, made-up. If I were to spend half the energy I spend on looking at ugly shit more than necessary (usually triggered by this or that work event, which means at this point in my life, I do have to look at some of the ugliness, but I don’t have to keep looking at it) I would’ve had one more full-length novel under Wynn Ray already.
Writing a story really does not take a lot of absolute time. It’s a lot more about managing the mindscape so it’s not wasted on useless shit. (Examples of useless shit: What if I suck? What if people don’t buy this? What if I should’ve written this instead of that? // Answers to the examples: Suck with all your passion if you’re going to suck, and next time maybe you won’t suck. If people don’t buy this, then everything will be the same as right now, so there is no problem. If you’re worried about choosing what to write, finish this thing right here and then write that other thing too.)
You can arrive at this simple conclusion by doing the math of how long it takes for you to think of an average paragraph/chapter, how long it takes you to type it or dictate it, etc. Then times that by however many chapters or words you want in a story. Even if you’re someone who likes to do 19238956312913 drafts of a story, you will arrive at the conclusion that a story doesn’t take that long to write. At some point (and IMO this point happens sooner rather than later), there is no point staring at the same story over and over again, tinkering with it. Just finish it and move on. (Because, if we’re really going to talk about “how long it takes to write,” then a novel that a person writes when they’re 30 took 30 years to write. Unless they’re planning to release only one story in their lifetime, based on the strange assumption that the longer they spend on a story, the better it’ll be, they’re better off writing and publishing whenever it’s right instead of waiting to publish on their deathbed.)
Hence, yeah, I totally could’ve had another full novel by now, if I had stopped deluding myself with my made-up limitations.