Maybe this WIP feels so hard because I’m just more aware.
I’m feeling an unusual amount of frustration and sadness when I look at the story from a mid-term angle; say, when I think in terms of quarters or thirds.
Meanwhile, when I look at the story from a very long-term angle (“This story will end with a happy ending, for which it began with a not so happy beginning.”) or a very short-term angle (one scene, or even better, one moment in one scene) I’m feeling much better.
This reflects how I feel about my own life these days. The very long term (“Things work out anyway”) and the very short term (today, or even better, whatever I’m doing right now) makes me happy. The mid term, however, makes me almost angry, it’s so frustrating. (“I must get x, y, z done in a month.”)
One would think that I would simply stop thinking about the mid-term, but you know the craziest thing I noticed? I’m used to thinking that I can’t be fine all the time. I’m used to thinking that, at least some of the time, I must be miserable to varying degrees.
It’s not exactly a “no pain, no gain” mentality (I hate that mentality and know it to be wrong), it’s stealthier than that. I know absolutely, for a fact, that suffering, many times, does not lead to anything desirable. (Sometimes it can appear as if suffering is what got you your desire, but it only appears so. If suffering were the thing that gets people what they want, those who suffer wouldn’t be suffering anymore.)
What I’m noticing right now, it’s more like, I’m almost scared of not being scared. It’s a very strange state to be in.