A long, long, time ago, I always felt that I didn’t have enough time. But in the recent 2-3 years, I’ve been feeling no shortage of time at all, because I was in a very healthy mindset.
Yes, mindset was everything. Specifically, the mindset of “Oh, what I want isn’t shuffling stuff around to make them fit in my allocated time pool; what I want is to just have more time; oh, look, I do have enough time.” Yup. Me not having time, once upon a time, had nothing to do with needing to get more organized or setting my priorities straight. I have been organized and have had crystal-clear priorities (externally) my entire life. Organization/priorities cannot beat the identity of someone who lacks resources.
Anyway, I have been feeling no shortage of time for years now. This got to the point where, by March 2026, I was veeeryryryryyryy bored. Like, I was sooooooosdoooooohmmmohgggg omg BORED. Prior to being that bored, I had removed my scrolling habits, but out of sheer boredom, the scrolling habits were threatening to return.
I tried various things, some of which I talk about in the last newsletter. I mention the nonfiction things I’m reading, etc. That’s all great. I mean, I will probably forever read nonfiction for the rest of my life, so why not.
But it wasn’t enough, because I had no desire to read nonfiction book after nonfiction book all day long. I didn’t want to doomscroll, of course, because I feel like shit afterward. I also didn’t want to write more; I like the present tempo of my workflow.
I yearned for something else.
Then… chess. Ahahahahwhahh! In early April, as I already blogged a few times, I found chess. And…
Now I want more time. For the first time in years, I want more time. I suck so bad at this game but I suck in such a clean way, it feels amazing. (Maybe I’ll blog about how nice that is, later, separately.)
It’s getting to a point where I have to be careful not to play too much chess, because that would ruin my other priorities, all of which I like very much. And besides, I think there is a diminishing return when too much time is spent on chess, especially in these early stages. Like, by the third game of the day or so, I’m not really playing chess; I’m just doing whatev. It’s not because I lack the ability to concentrate, in general; it’s that, for now, I haven’t grown my ability to concentrate in that specific way. So, playing too much chess, all at once, neither improves my chess nor improves my life overall.
However, I want more time! Hahaha. Because, my chess stamina will grow gradually, and then I will be able to spend more time on it without sacrificing the actual experience.
This is an excellent feeling. I had too much time, so I asked for something lovely, and now I have this lovely thing in addition to all the other lovely things I have. Therefore, now I want more time.
Wanting more and more is a wonderful thing. This is the mindset that got me so much time, in the first place. It is also the mindset that finally got me chess. This is, I think, what will get me more time this time too.
Well, although, more specifically, what I wanted before and what I want now is something else via time. In this case, chess via time. But it doesn’t hurt to know that time can be had more and more.