Now, this terror doesnāt mean anything, I know that. Still, itās there.
Oh sweet fairies, I am terrified. There is no reason for this terror, none logical anyway. I know that I can change the ending if I want to, but both the possibility of changing it and being stuck with it are terrifying.
I think it has to do with extra-storytelling things, such as wanting to predict if people who liked my other stories will like it. I wonder about this even though I know for a fact that itās impossible to predict. Literally, people see things in my stories that I have not written. Not like on a factual level, but at a deeper level, they see themselves in my stories (or any story) and I cannot predict what they will see in any story. *I* see myself in other peopleās stories; we always only ever see ourselves!
All I can do is write the story that I think works for me and the protagonist. Thatās the best ābet,ā I know that.
Another reason for this stress is that I want this to āworkā in that I am at a point where I feel it is extremely ridiculous that people must spend time to make money to make time.
Do you hear that?
To spend time to make money to make time? Like WTF? Thatās like paying credit card debt with credit card debt. How ridiculous is that? It makes no sense. I donāt want to have to work ANY work at all that I wouldnāt have done anyway. As in, I think whatever I wouldāve done anyway (such as storytelling) should be the channel through which I receive enough money to do more of what I wouldāve done anyway. This, instead of me heaving to do shit in order to do stuff I wouldāve done anyway.
And I think EVERYONE deserves to live life in a way that they can live *prosperously* by doing what they wouldāve done anyway. Not just surviving, but living *prosperously.*
Damn it I think we all deserve it.
Another reason I might be thinking these things is that Iāve been posting on Instagram. And as much as I stayed away (tried to) from the feed, oh goodness, Instagram is *unhealthy.* I like the grid format, but wow, the very concept of a feed (chronological or algorithmic) is unhealthy.
This had me thinking: if everyone were to spend their time on things they actually enjoyed instead of a feed that makes them unhealthy, it might be possible for them to not have to spend time to make money to spend time on what they donāt even like.
Iām rambling here, but I think thatās actually getting my state across pretty well.