There was yet another detour (meaning another from-scratch draft has begun, although “within” the “same” WIP concept). I was in despair. But I am learning a lot about my likes and dislikes.
I think part of the reason I’m meandering and getting frustrated with this third novel (which includes many different WIPs) is that I want to figure out who Wynn Ray is. I know she is different from Ithaka for sure, but I guess I’m at a point where “I know” doesn’t suffice; I want to be able to articulate the actual elements.
It’s like “I know I love this person” is fabulous, but also when you can articulate the elements of that love, that’s, when seen from a different perspective, the whole point. I’m not here to just bask in the eternal glory of the love soup that is the universe and oneness and whatever–I know I can access the pure stuff whenever I want, but if I really wanted to just taste the purest of pure stuff, it doesn’t make sense to interact with the world at all; I’d be better off going into a cave and meditating 24/7.
The point of any story (including life outside of the cave) is that it unfolds, unlike the love soup/universe/oneness/whatever you want to call it. Unlike eternal unconditional love, a story unfolds with a beginning, middle, and end, and so there are parts that suck and parts that are amazing. It’s about experience, contrast, ups and downs, timing, location.
There are things that Wynn Ray does that Ithaka didn’t do. It wouldn’t be wrong to call those things the elements of “a different formula.” The things that I automatically/spontaneously used to do as Ithaka, I don’t do anymore as Wynn. But while I was writing shorter stories and the first two novels as Wynn, there wasn’t enough for me to say: this is Wynn. With this third novel, I can tell: things are diverging from the patterns of novel 1 and novel 2, and nevertheless, there are still elements that remain still.
Those elements, I’m incredibly curious about these days. So all these detours/despairs/meanderings aren’t just about novel 3; I guess 3 is a magic number; if I figure out enough stuff about myself through novel 3, potentially, novel 4 will be a breeze. In theory.